Wednesday, November 6, 2013

I feel so Gay!

I’m so sick and tired of having to walk around all alone and I feel really miserable and sober because I have no one to talk to and I don’t have any permanent friends. I’ve stopped hurting myself now, since I’ve become wiser and better over my past encounters.

But yeah… I’m so lonely.

I can’t live without someone with me, I can survive without one, but I just can’t simply live without one. Then I remember I have class later in the evening and it f*cking sucks. I’d be dead by then… all I can think of meeting later is Allan, a gay friend of mine, which is not a bad thing.

I truly support this kind of topic on which a male person would seek the companionship of someone in the same sex than someone in the opposite sex. Not only will they be happy in the path on which someone with their similarities and thoughts are in their grasp, but it also leaves more women, for the rest of us. (I’m bisexual.) But now, I prefer a male companion, (Which is apparently too busy for me.) and what is very delightful about Allan is that, he has a boyfriend! Which is way cuter in my part.

It’s not bad to see things differently than others, they say it’s a disgrace because you are countering what God has given you and the role of what you should be doing with your gender! But no, it’s not, it’s not a disgrace, because there is a saying: 

‘Everything has a purpose.’ 

And the purpose of this saying is to evaluate and guide us that we have roles and mission in life on which we are not aware of yet. Why would God give you the consciousness to distinguish what you truly want to be if He did not give you a good apparent reason why you think differently in the gender category? Everything has a reason.

It’s okay to be gay, bisexual, lesbian or whatever, as long as what you are trying to achieve with it is right. Love has no boundaries nor does it have any rules. Have you ever gone to the bookstore and saw a Rule book about Love? (“Love: The Do’s and Don’ts.” No such thing, believe me.) No! That’s exactly my point.

If God had unconditional love for us, then why would He see us as monsters if He himself created us? We are His children and He is not ashamed of us. Especially if He thinks His son is gay, or His daughter is lesbian. All he wants for us is to be happy and our happiness is the road for us to attain a better life on which we have fulfilled His mission for us. I think Allan is awesome because he’s kind and funny, he’s a bit shy but that’s okay. He’s not ashamed to tell who he is and I am not shunning him for that because I enjoy his company!


I think the church should swallow for having to limit the conditions of love and to whom you should give it. We are our own people and we have every right to do what we want, most definitely in the passion we seek to be with someone who ever and whatever the circumstances, and as long as it is innocent and pure.

It’s just a shame and very sad how people put labels on people when we’re all the same. We may all look different, but we are still human beings, and having to insult or hurt other people for being who they beautifully are is just… just sad. Really sad. 

We have hearts; we have feelings, and having to tell people the one flaw they have when they themselves know it just hurts. It just shows how blunt and hollow you think for judging people’s true selves by the things that make them different.


Monday, November 4, 2013

My Insecurities and Discomforts on Love. (Self Postie?)

Love life.

I'm not particularly into the whole relationship thing (yet.) since I've just gotten myself out of a really bad relationship! But I do have a crush... He's one of those popular kids and smart badass people who get to do what they want! And me? I'm just a typical blogger with short hair, dark skin and failed creation of a fusion of an introvert and a teenager. He's popular! So? He meets girls way skinnier and prettier than me everyday!! THAT'S IT!

Don't read this blog because it's about me now, not you. I have problems too ya know?

I'm just one of those left over options you pick out from when all the pretty babes are dead and rotting. Or worse, are all used up.

What hurts is that everyday, my heart skips a beat when I see him pass by or at least just steal a glance from him! It's so weird and frustrating since he passes by in front of me and i just stand there looking stupid with my drool dripping since he's so hot in my eyes!! DAMMIT!

Anyways, the point of this stupid little post is that I have been constantly trying to look pretty even when I'm never gonna be pretty! Just for the sole purpose of him to notice me. Why?

  • I have short hair. Count all the hot and pretty girls you see that has short hair. Yeah. Not so many right? And what sucks is that my hair does not suit me. At all. It's flat at the end and it goes to a style where it looks like an ax. It's not even up to my shoulders since all the gorgeous women out there are all nice and curly long haired. I'm a stuck up down girl that has the most terrible hair due to the outcome of a bad breakup and decision making!
  • I'm dark. Yeah I'm sick of that 'exotic look.' or that 'Black Beauty' Shit. I have scars on my face and where I come from, being white is the new black. When you're a whitie, you are considered as a passing to a perfect score on the hotness meter.
  • I have stubby big legs. With scars. Which is worse! I'm not overly confident of my body, I'm not voluptuous or sexy or skinny... I don't know what type of body suits me! And worse, I have no sense of fashion. I wear what I wear. 
  •   The confidence is oh so low that flo-rida doesn't stand a chance against me! (thus, the creation of the blog.)

Get my point?
I have no excuse. I'm bound to be left out since all my friends are blockmates and I'm irregular and forced to talk to people that will probably look at me as if a wookie spoke to them and they wanna escape!

Meh. I had no hope anyway.